DON’T DO IT! SWEAT PANTS
pregnant woman dreads when a favorite pair of jeans has become too
tight too fasten. That awkward five pounds of bologna stuffed in a one
pound bag feeling leads to slipping into the ultimate comfort clothing:
sweat pants. Here’s the problem. Sweats are so comfortable, so non
binding that you, like the elderly mall rats of Boca Raton, will never
want to take them off. To a pregnant woman, sweats are evil. Verboten.
The ultimate dowdifier (see preggoglossary). Sweats are voluminous
making legs look stumpy and thighs resemble tree trunks. Sweats make
five pounds look like 15. They make your butt balloon. They inspire
waddling. You want to wear them at home? Fine. But they erode your glam
appeal by 1000% and, when worn in public, will make you feel like an
elephant amongst gazelles.
FIVE FAST FERTILITY FIXES
When your jeans or trousers still fit everywhere except the belly, a
SIMPLE RUBBER BAND can offer an additional breathing room. Leave jeans
unfastened and loop the rubber band around the button and button hole.
This sartorial trickery is easily concealed with a hip length tee
shirt, some sassy, dangly scarves or a cute scarf worn as a wide Kimono
2. Two weeks later, when the notion of zipping your pants
becomes comical, its time for the elasticized BELLY BAND. This soft,
seamless stretchy band is a respirator for civilian pants and skirts.
By miraculously sheathing unzippered, rolled to the hips pants, the
belly band extends the lifespan of jeans and trousers. Too tight skirts
can still be worn by pushing the waistband below the hip and covering
the bulging fabric with the band. Again, a lightweight, thigh length
top romantically draped over the band “camouflages” your handiwork. You
can buy the bands at most maternity stores, on line
(http://www.ingridandisabel.com) or even make your own with store
bought dancewear fabric.
3. A more polished approach to
re-sizing your trousers? Have your tailor sew SMALL TRIANGULAR ELASTIC
BANDS into the side seams of pants which can be removed post baby.
CONTROL TOP UNDIES like Flexees or Soma help to shoehorn distended
bodies into pants, dresses and skirts. Note: Switch to maternity
specific undies by month four as compression is not good for the
5. A BODY SLIMMER like Maidenform, Donna Karan Body
Perfect or Spanx slims out thighs and chisels the waistline during the
first trimester. With thick gage lycra hose extending from below the
boobs to the ankles Spanx Highfalutin Footless Pantyhose is a trimester
one fan favorite. There is even a thoughtful crotch opening (these were
invented for women by women you know) to make life easier with when
Mother Nature calls. (NOTE: Switch to maternity specific slimmers in the